


Bugs Will be Boys

by ForFunWithLove



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Natasha Romanov Is Alive, Peter can communicate with Spiders, Self-Acceptance, Song fic, Tony Stark is alive, but - Freeform, far from home compliant, self love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22002379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForFunWithLove/pseuds/ForFunWithLove
Summary: Peter gets outed as spider-man and framed as a murderer.Besides all that Tony is in a coma and Wade is not around that much.How does he deal with that and all the inner conflict that comes with it?---This is actually a songfic, inspired by Boys will be bugs by cavetown.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Bugs Will be Boys

**I'm a dumb teen boy**

**I eat sticks and rocks and mud**

When Peter was eight he used to talk to spiders a lot. 

They were great conversationalists; spiders usually stayed in one spot when they notice they are noticed, they -mostly- don't crawl all over you without consent and they make really pretty webs. Peter told them that often.

The webs don't have anything to do with being a great conversationalist but Peter thought it to be important.

As the years passed he stopped doing it. He became twelve and people at school thought it was weird to keep talking to insects. (Spiders are not insects, Peter told them. They told him "we love that you're a nerd but you really need to stop talking to bugs Petey.")

It wasn't as if Peter talked to the spiders (he even gave them names and background stories, notebooks full of them and other bugs stories) because he didn't have any other friends. They just seemed lonely.

Peter thought nobody should ever feel lonely.

He stopped anyway. It wasn't a big deal

When he got bitten he saw it first as a gift from his old friends. 

Only later, years later, he contemplated if they hadn't cursed him instead.

Feeling lonely is a harsh thing after all.

**I'm a dumb teen boy**

**All I wanna do is quit**

Objectively speaking Peter has been through more shit than your average sixteen year old boy.

And that's obviously fine, Peter thinks as he stares at the wall. He had signed up for it after all. He always assured Tony he knew what he was doing and that he should leave him be already, jeez.

One corner of his mouth lifts up in a parody of a smile at the memory of his teenage bickering. He wished he had spent more time with him, he wished he had been more careful, he wished- he shook his head. 

It didn't matter he reminded himself steadfastly. The spider on the wall opposite of him was much more important. 

He would probably won't ask him if he's fine(no) or how he's holding up(pretty good he's literally on the ceiling as we speak) or if he needs help (probably).

**stupid (stupid)**

**Ugly (ugly)**

His new superhero persona's are more loved than Spider-Man ever had been. Peter doesn't know how to feel about it.

Or he does, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it. 

He won't. So...there.

Peter promises himself he will acknowledge his feelings when he has time to, more specifically when Tony wakes up.

He can wait until then. It won't be long.

Even if it is, Peter has enough experience with bottling things up. Enough so that if they were real bottles they probably wouldn't fit in his room. Not that his room is all that big but whatever.

The point is that he's fine. And he will be even more fine after Tony wakes up.

**Pretend it doesn't bother me**

Peter is known for having a spider-sense and not common-sense for a reason. Or more likely: reasonS

Added to that growing list: going out to patrol anyway.

Of course he isn't full grown stupid so he doesn't go out as spiderman.

He is stupid enough to agree to just go out in Johnny's suit and a lunch bag - with mustard on the sides.

And it went well. People warmed up to him- well to bombastic bag man.

As they did to hornet.

And Prodigy.

Dusk.

Ricochet.

It was only Spider-Man they didn't need.

If it was really being a hero that Peter needed, he thought, the costumes wouldn't scratch and itch the wrong way so much.

The adrenaline wasn't enough. His conscious could never get soothed enough. Nothing was ever enough, to be honest.

He could always do more, not matter what he had already done or whatever limitations he had. There was always something that he hadn't done well enough. That's what his brain told him.

He decided he liked the conversations with the spiders more.

Perhaps the problem had been with him all along.

Even if his cover hadn't been blown by Beck...Peter could just feel it in his bones that something else would have shaken him up eventually. Something else would have made him question himself.

That something didn't even have to be something big as this. Peter's self-worth and self-care routines were non-existent enough that anything a little stronger than a high-school bully could blow his confidence over.

He wasn't being harsh with himself.

Just honest.

**My mum told me that she's worried**

**And I couldn't give a shit**

"Peter?" Nat made his name sound like a question in her mouth.

"I'm fine," Peter replied automatically.

"You noticed you sound like a broken record lately?"

"Things haven't changed lately."

"Maybe you need to change first for them to change too."

Honestly Peter had always been convinced Natasha was actually a cryptid.

**I don't care about the government**

**And I really need a hug**

Peter hadn’t been to school since the incident. He took online classes instead. 

After he took a definite break from the hero thing he put everything into school. Which meant he was already college level by now. Peter may have had an inkling that might be the case, but he didn’t want to leave his friends behind. Besides, a sixteen year old in college would be just awkward. 

Thank everything that still cares for online classes.

If anything he would at least make Tony proud if-when he woke up.

Try not to become a super villain, study, try to make the spiders talk back,...that took a lot of energy. 

**I'm not very strong but**

**I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs**

"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Wade asks, voice strangled.

“Why are you here? I thought you had moved to some island or something,” Peter bit back.

He had stood up from the chair the moment Wade had walked into his room. Now it served as a shield as he subtly stood behind it. 

“How could I leave my favourite spider behind?” Wade tried for a smile but it wasn’t really convincing. Peter wished he didn’t strain himself like that.

Wade had the best smiles when they were genuine. 

He didn’t resent Wade at all. He had been gone at the same time Peter went on the school trip, claiming he’d miss him too much if he stayed in New York. 

“How long are you going to parade as other super-heroes?”

“If you’d been here for longer than one day at a time you’d know I stopped doing that,” even as he said it Peter regretted it.

Wade had been travelling around for his sake after all. He wanted to find people that would make him feel understood. Peter really appreciated that, he was just tense. He wished Wade would stay with him more.

**And if you wanna cry**

**Make sure that they never see it**

**Or even better yet**

**Block it out and never feel it**

"I don't care Wade!" Peter shouted, his shaking hands were crumbled up in fists at his sides. 

"I don't care!" He repeated, "they don't need me anym-no, they never needed me in the first place, I have done more harm than good anyway!"

I didn't matter how straight he stood or how much focus he put in not letting the tremble in his hands show. Peter knew Wade could see right through him. Especially after he choked on a sob when he tried to continue.

Wade did say anything. He didn't even do anything besides taking his own mask off. Even that he had done very carefully, making his next move clear before he did anything.

That made the waterfalls really flow. 

He couldn't remember the last time he cried. Not like this at least. 

His whole body shook so hard Peter felt he was in the process of creating his very own earthquake. The tears came an came and never seemed to stop.

The weirdest part was that he didn't want them to. He hadn't felt so free since-since he had first learned to use his webs. 

It felt constricting and liberating at the same time. The tears choked him-no, they shook all the bad bad very no good feelings out of him.

At the end Peter was exhausted. He hadn't even realised when he got on his knees. 

The cool breeze on his upturned bare face was his reconnection to the world.

Only then did he feel warm arms wrap around him. Only then were they welcome.

**I just turned seventeen**

**And I think this year I'm gonna be myself**

Peter promised the spiders, Wade, Tony, aunt May and Nat that he was going to make an effort. So he did.

That’s how he found himself engrossed in blankets in the middle of the bed with his laptop propped on two pillows in front of him.

He had just pressed enter on ‘how to love yourself’. Frankly, he was terrified of the results.

It’ll be fine you dramatic bitch, he told himself.

“How To Love Yourself: 15 Self-Love Tips,” Peter murmured out loud to himself.

Just as he started to scroll down the first link he clicked on, a spider started crawling up his arm. Peter smiled.

“Thanks bud,”

Okay, it was pretty straight forward: have fun with yourself(check, swinging was fun), travel once a year(it had resulted in violence every time but check), forgive yourself for your mistakes….

Peter squinted at his screen. 

Forgiveness, he knew, was important of course. The therapy Tony insisted he’d take tried to jam it in his head enough times.

And he listened, he was a good boy. Perhaps he didn’t forget, but he did do his best to forgive. It made him feel lighter somehow. It hadn’t been easy though (how strong do you have to be to be able to forgive the killer of your uncle? or the one that outed your identity?).

It never occurred to him there was one person left to forgive. (Himself)

**I have friends who understand me**

**Their names are spider, beetle, bee**

Peter was still working on the ‘forgive yourself part’. He didn’t know how long that would take so he decided to keep going down the list: 

surprise yourself (check, Peter surprised himself everyday with his dumbassery), start a journal (maybe he’ll go out later to buy one, with glitter and all), give yourself a break (check, technically Spider-Man was on a break right now), learn how to love yourself by saying no to others(...), make a list of your accomplishments…

Peter sighed again. Why were all these things so active? Couldn’t he just say a few things to himself like a ritual and then he’d be at peace with himself? Wait no, that would be literal witchcraft. Isn’t black witchery illegal? Or was that white hat black hat thingy with hackers? Listen, Peter isn’t a geek-whiz of that kind, okay.

Just as he was going to take a break from the whole ordeal, he spotted a moving paper charging at him on the floor. Next to the paper was a pen. As Peter’s initial surprise faded he noticed the spiders underneath.

The spiders couldn’t talk with him telepathically yet, though Peter had deduced that would be possible at some time. Though they could understand him. So that was already more than enough.

**They don't say much but**

**They have always listened to me**

Make a vision board (maybe), pursue new interests (painting seemed cool? MJ thought so anyway), blah blah blah, work on your self-trust(check? he had his spider-sense but...that one gave him more anxiety than anything else).

“Hey MJ? Do you have any paints I could borrow?”

**The other boys at school**

**Think it's cool to hate yourself**

"Menace"

"-just a kid...where are his parents?"

"I can't believe we trusted a criminal!"

"Disappointment."

"Bet he's just continuing Stark's legacy of ruining the world."

**But they're lying all the time**

**The bugs advised that I should let 'em**

“Oh my god Peter, that’s gorgeous! When have you painted that?”

“Thank you for helping me, Petey.”

“Come over here and kiss me already.”

“I’m so happy for you, kid”

“I love you!”

**I just turned eighteen**

**And I know I don't know everything**

But I know

**Boys will be whatever they want to be**

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations to me for having finished a story for the first time in mah life.


End file.
